Vietnam Customs And Etiquette

No matter where you are traveling, common sense begs that you be polite, considerate, and patient. But in Vietnam this is especially important, and even a simple smile goes a long way. In a country where price tags rarely exist and bargaining is a way of life, the only way to get by is to enjoy the process. Be persistent, as even a firm “no” will not always signify that the discussion is closed. At the same time be both courteous and patient—if you expect promptness, you will almost certainly be disappointed. If you must criticize, try to find a way to express your complaint as a joke. Displays of anger are frowned upon—they will cause your conversation partner to lose face, which shames him in front of his peers and plays a large role in Vietnamese social interactions.

Smile And The Whole World Smiles With You. It’s difficult to exaggerate how important the smile is to the Vietnamese people. They often think that foreigners do not smile enough, especially during business deals. Most Westerners are accustomed to a relatively negative way of negotiating—we frown and fuss until we get what we want. But in Vietnam, bargaining is traditionally a friendly affair, and it will proceed much more smoothly if you accompany it with a smile. In fact, the Vietnamese consider it extremely rude to show frustration or disapproval, as it causes others to lose face. Losing your cool will only render your transactions more difficult.

Dress Nicely. Be sure to remove your shoes before entering a temple, and when invited into someone’s home, note whether your host takes off his shoes, then do the same. Dress modestly throughout the country, as Vietnamese styles of dress differ greatly from standards in Western countries, and be especially careful of your clothes when visiting religious sites. When you’re unsure, follow the locals, not fellow tourists. Women should be especially conscious of their dress, particularly in the countryside, where conservative clothing is the best way to go. Vietnamese women prefer light skin to a tan, so most wear long-sleeved clothing as much out of vanity as respect for tradition—follow the trend. Shorts are worn only by Westerners, and in any context they’re either inappropriate or awkward-looking; wear trousers instead. Nude or topless sunbathing is out of the question.

Conduct. As a gesture of respect, take off your hat and bow your head slightly when addressing elders or monks. In Vietnam, anyone older than you gets extra-special treatment, so be sure to follow local customs of addressing your elders and superiors. The Vietnamese also tend to be a humble people; don’t be surprised when compliments are met only with modest recognition or even self-effacement.

Taboos. The feet are regarded as the least holy part of the body. Don’t point the bottoms of your feet at any person or Buddhist image, as this is considered rude. Conversely, Vietnamese regard the head as the most sacred part of the body, so never touch a person’s head, even a small child’s.

Table Manners. Don’t leave chopsticks sticking out of a rice bowl; it is thought to resemble the incense burned for the dead, and is considered bad luck. Most locals wipe their chopsticks off before use—a special napkin is usually provided for this purpose. If you take a Vietnamese friend out for a meal or drink, be sure to count their bill on yours—your company likely will, especially since your money likely goes much farther than theirs. Don’t be stingy with toasts when dining with Vietnamese; prepare to hear a lot of “chúc” (cheers). As a general rule, refrain from being the first to dig into the delicious meal in front of you, no matter how tempting it may be.

Gifts. Give or receive objects or gifts with both hands. Wrap gifts in lucky green or red paper; never black and white. Money is discussed very openly in Vietnam, so don’t be put off if people are frank and inquisitive about your earnings. If you prefer to keep your financial life private, just smile and politely evade a direct answer.

Family Matters. Because of Confucian influence, the Vietnamese value family tremendously; in conversation with locals, be attentive to family details. Don’t be surprised if stares and shock abound should you mention that you are unmarried. If you are of marriageable age (in Vietnamese terms), just be sure to assure your friends that settling down is not far in your future, and unnecessary worry will be averted. Women may find it useful to wear a simple ring on their wedding finger.

One For The Ages. In Vietnam, people are addressed in relation to their age, but it is difficult for many Vietnamese to guess how old Westerners are. Don’t be offended if you are constantly asked your age—people simply want to know how to address you.

Space Issues. Personal space doesn’t exist, per se, in Vietnamese society. Try not to be offended; pushiness is a way of life. Physical contact is usually the result of intense curiosity and is not intended as an offense. Even pointing and calls of “Westerner”—®ng tay for men and bà tay for women—very rarely denotes anything ulterior or sinister, particularly in areas less frequented by tourists.

Glbt Travelers. Homosexuality is not openly discussed or accepted in Vietnam, though major cities like H· Chí Minh City and Hà Nÿi have a small but growing gay nightlife. Most gay men remain closeted, and the gay community stays mostly underground. Public displays of affection between both heterosexual and homosexual couples are considered distasteful. At the same time, people of the same sex often hold hands while walking. If you see it, don’t be surprised, and perhaps more importantly, don’t assume the couple is homosexual. The Men of Vietnam, by Douglas Thompson (Floating Lotus, 1998), is the first comprehensive guide to Vietnamese gay culture. Utopia-Asia (www.utopia-asia.com) also offers tips for gay travelers in Vietnam.