Acute AOP Outbreak in the Netherlands!

Loyal readers, As you probably don’t know, my sojourn through Europe was not the original plan for this summer. I was originally slated to go to the Yucatan peninsula, however due to the swine flu outbreak they decided to send my colleague Dan Hertz instead, he being of heartier stock, I assume. While swine flu has allowed me to meet such mega-stars as the twins from “Little People Big World” (their struggle is our own), I now find myself in the midst of a pandemic no less severe than the so-called “swine flu.” The affliction I speak of is AOP or more commonly “Americans on Parade,” and it seems to have struck the entire city of Amsterdam. Due to heavy exposure during college and an unwavering love of all things American I have so far been able avoid this contemptible ailment but I have suffered its effects.  

In mild cases AOP can include wearing sunglasses at night, silly hats, and a somewhat aloof attitude. However as the disease progresses it quickly descends into an inability to use public walkways correctly, a complete disregard for the needs of others, and an utter conviction that one is a Bohemian on par with Joan Baez. Although in isolated cases diagnosed in most major metropolitan areas those afflicted might be classified as isolated “snobs” or a small group of “jerks,”however in Amsterdam AOP seems to feed off of itself. While those suffering from AOP may or may not use drugs here in Amsterdam, they will definitely talk about it all times as the disease seems to sap all creativity or capacity for individual thought.