The Lions of Florence Need You!

And now for something completely different: a blog about lions. 

There is something disconcerting about the lions you see around Florence, and I don't mean just the ones stuffed and soaked in chemicals for your viewing pleasure in the natural history museum. No—what I'm referring to is that every lion face on every lion statue, lion church facade, and lion door knocker in Florence looks genuinely terrified. 

We are all going to die imminently. 

I feel like carving your lion's face into a perpetual mask of terror kind of cancels out the macho image of regal strength that cities are usually going for when breaking out the lion motif. In Pisa and San Gimignano, all the lions are busy looking awesome or ripping each others' guts out. What do Florence's lions know that keeps them in this constant state of fear? 

Whatever it is that Florence's lions are afraid of has already gotten to the lions of Siena. 

NO!!! I'M TOO YOUNG TO DIE!  I'M NOT EVEN 700 YET!! 

Sienese lion suffering severe facial injuries.

Somebody call PETA! These lions need our help, and fast. If Florence's lions go extinct, who will hold our door knockers in their mouths? Please help save the lions (and the people whose knockerless doorknocking skills are subpar). To help, all you need to do is unquestioningly send us your life savings. We will then construct protective plexiglass bubbles around all of Florence's lions, and have the furrows in their brow surgically removed.