Visiting Karlštejn Castle

Today, I went to see Karlštejn Castle. Karlštejn is an enormous hilltop Disney fortress in the middle of a forest, built in the 14th century by Charles IV., the greatest hero Czech nation has ever had. Not only did he single-handedly conceive and create a whole new district in Prague, he also founded a university, strengthened the empire, and did many other things, making his rule the Golden Age of Bohemia. Let me tell you what I saw in this visionary's living quarters at the castle.

1. There's a twisting staircase leading from Charles's bedroom to the Queen's bedroom upstairs. The door has a knob from only one side, so he could visit her whenever he wanted, but she couldn't visit him. I theorize that if Charles was around today, he'd enjoy being invisible on Gchat.

2. The throne in the hall where Charles accepted visits is positioned in between two bright windows, so that he could clearly see the visitors, while his face remained in the shadow. Seems like you chose the wrong century, Charles. You still sound like a man of the internet age.

3. Among all the portraits of white men with halos, there's a portrait of a black man - St. Maurice, who spread Christianity in Africa. Wait, how long did America take to get to that point? Again, very progressive, this Charles guy.

4. The bathroom was a simple small room, protruding from the wall of the palace. In the guide's words, the bathroom plumbing worked on the "free fall principle". Thinking this isn't progressive? Sounds eco-friendly to me.

5. There was Charles's reliquary with some of his most prized posessions, including the head of the dragon that St. George famously slayed. Turns out, it's a crocodile skull. Yeah, Charles IV may have had his medieval streak.

But my most important lesson came at the end. We went through all this wonderful stuff, original 14th century paintings and jewels and decorations, all things that Charles IV must have touched and seen, and at the end we got to a kitchy miniature of the castle, probably the newest thing in the entire exhibition. There was an aging American couple who stayed quiet throughout the tour, but now they seemed interested for the first time. The wife asked: "How old is this?" The guide said the castle was founded in the fourteenth century. "No, but this miniature castle, how old is it." The guide looked perplexed, said it's just a model. Probably a few decades, at best. "It's got a lot of detail" said the woman in amazement.

I guess the take-home message is that at the end of the day, everyone takes home a different message.