Budget Tips and Tricks for the Shameless Traveler

Two months on a budget does things to the brain. My boss already says I "do things for Wi-Fi," so I guess there's really no sense trying to hide the evolution of my shady penny-pinching ways from the world. For your entertainment or actual use, here's how I survived to write you this blog, and how you can save cash at the expense of your health and/or dignity:

FOOD

Sleep or work through breakfast unless it's included in your accomodation price, in which case it doesn't matter how few hours of sleep you've had, GET DOWN THERE.  As for lunch: Standard lunch= approx 220 calories, price: 7-10 euros. .A gelato = approx 250 calories, price 1-2 euros. Pleasure value = infinitely higher. Case Closed. When you're really running low on money, use the couple euro to buy whatever you can find in the supermarket that comes in the most pieces, like a box of crackers. Whenever your stomach pipes up, throw it a cracker.

When a buffet is available to you, approach calmly. Serve yourself a generous but socially acceptable portion. Repeat until buffet runs out or closes, changing location and ditching evidence as you go. Take any stashable items with you to recreate a meal out of them: for example, if you scavenge a nutella packet, crackers in plastic, and a mini pack of cashews, spread nutella on crackers and sprinkle the cashews over top for a free snack! For dinner, you can't beat Italian aperitivo buffets, at which the elegant ladies munching two cocktail sausages and a sprig of mint are essentially paying for your multi-course pasta meal.

Of course, in restaurants, ask for tap water. When they refuse, the jig is not up. If you don't carry a water bottle that you can refill in their bathroom and surruptitiously pour into a glass when no one is looking, ask for a cup of ice, especially if you have a friend with a drink who might "share some with you". Place ice near a candle or between your hands and wait for it to melt.

DRINK MONEY

You don't need any. Guys may think this doesn't apply to them, but clearly they just don't know how to chat up the right strangers.

HOSTEL FRIENDS

These people are your budget goldmine. Exchange riches with them like bugspray, nail clippers, or sunscreen. Split meals, alcohol, or even future accommodations! Sometimes they don't even finish their dinner and this is your time to shine. 

SLEEPING

How is the security in this hostel? Are there lots of empty beds in your friends' rooms? Would anyone notice if you slept in said beds?

LAUNDRY

It's totally clean. Just turn it inside out! No one ever sees you for longer than 3 days, so they'll never know how many times you've worn that shirt unless you smell awful or have chocolate gelato stains all down the front. Wash things in the sink whenever your roommates are out. Also, bathing suits totally count as a pair of underwear.

GETTING AROUND 

Always prioritize your wallet over your time, energy, and aching feet. It helps to find friendly local folk with motorcycles, motorboats, and cars. 

BARGAINING

Use your visible brokeness to your advantage as a bargaining technique. "I only have €20, and I need 10 of them for lunch and dinner" is a great lie, because they will never suspect that you only intend to use €4 for lunch and dinner. Always compare prices before purchase. Know when to get angry at shop people for trying to rip you off, and they will respect you. 

WI-FI

Never surrender any money in a Wi-Fi cafe until you've tested your access, at which point you may need to buy a coffee or something. If you don't want to lug your computer around, but also don't want to pay hostel prices for sending messages or submitting blogs, upload them as a contact name on your smartphone so you can copy/paste when you reach a Wi-Fi hotspot. Save every Wi-Fi code for cafes you visit on your computer, so that after paying for that initial coffee, you can casually hang out outside and access their internet without them even knowing. Another option is to check the area you're staying in for any unlocked networks, then move around until you have solid access, like I'm doing right now.