Operation Golden Fleece: The Tourism Conspiracy Theory

Two fundamental truths about Greek food: 1) Not all moussaka is created equal, and 2) Some restaurants cater to tourism more than others. However, it’s important to remember that these two facts are not necessarily contingent upon each other. Because once you become concerned with finding an “authentic” Greek meal, there’s a tendency to become terrified that you’re getting a “touristy” one instead. A simple search for a Greek salad becomes an all-consuming quest for authentic over touristy, truth over lies, good over evil. And with this terror of the “touristy” comes all sorts of other ridiculous behavior.

Paranoia: “The napkins have the Parthenon on them. That means my “fresh fish” is actually going to be re-heated fishsticks, probably poisoned with touristy preservatives.”

Espionage: “See the couple in the visors? I listened to their conversation and found out they’re from a cruise ship. Go! Go! Go!”

Haughtiness: “Ha! They have a statue of Zeus. Good thing I’m practically an authentic Greek and not a silly tourist, or else I might have been lured in. No no. I’ll just look for the simple food of my people.

But really, this is stupid.  It’s not as if all the “touristy” restaurant owners sat down together and decided to use statues of Aphrodite to lure unsuspecting customers like you into their overpriced web of microwaved souvlaki. “Authenticity” exists on a spectrum, just like everything else. True, places that cater to daytrippers might  be slightly more expensive, but so are places that are out in the “authentic” middle of nowhere and need to pay extra to ship in their special, non-touristy ingredients (which, by the way, are pretty much the same all over.) The bottom line is that reading too much into the tourist aesthetic is just going to stress you out and make you hungry. Just follow the prices; they will lead you in the right direction.