In writing my last blog post from Copenhagen, I was tempted to wax over the succulent smørresbrød, or else say something about that essential Danish style, an elegant, understated sophistication. Rather than choose between them, I decided to say a little bit about both, as well as compound the Copenhagen experience into one, admittedly breakneck 24-hour dash—a courtesy I know all you interrailers and short-stay, efficient types will appreciate.
9:30AM
Roll out of bed and rub the crust of last night's ill-poured Carlsberg from your lips before taking in the sun (which has been up since 4:30). Once you have revived yourself to a sitting position, offer your condolences to whoever happens to be in the hostel bed a mere 4 inches away.
It's time to begin the hunt for breakfast or, better still, the promise of a reasonably priced brunch buffet. Keep yourself alive.
10AM-11:30AM
Having exhausted your efforts in central Indre By, you will stroll down through Vesterbro, seeing the unpleasant truth of a small daylight Red Light district. Eventually you will come to one of a half-dozen cafes and restaurants crammed together in a single block, not 20 meters away from less reputable (and certainly less hygienic) establishments of Istegade.
Of these, one will catch your eye, and the brunch buffet will unfold before you. The mere sight will turn your stomach inside out. Several pastries later—with a generous dollop of Nutella on most everything—you will have the legs to begin the touristing part of your day.
11:30AM-1PM
You will feel the call of the camera, and the sights near the Rådhus (central square), the Town Hall, the Nationalmusseet, and the Glyptoteket. All are required viewing in Copenhagen, and you can relish being the wolf in sheep's clothing that the budget traveler is amongst the tourists.
Maybe join an unknown, incomprehensible, protest in the Rådhus before the inevitable realization that you have completely compromised your belief system for upwards of an hour, and dreams of public office begin to slowly recede from "likely" to not.
1PM-2PM
If you're like me, you are probably hungry again by now, but don't worry, more food is on the way. Now begin trekking up through Indre By, seeing some of the other joys of Copenhagen along the way, maybe the spiraling glory of the Rundetårn, or else the golden glint of the Rosenborg treasure houses.
2PM-3PM
If there is one true necessity on this list, it is this: you will purchase a hot dog 'with everything' for 25Kr from a polsnervøgn. The delectable mixture of pickles and fried onions wafting around you will lull you into a comfortable coma of savory dreams. Be warned, this exercise will inspire salivation in even the most hardened road-warriors.
Then you should take your prize (or prizes if the sausages prove too tempting) over to the Rosenborg Gardens to loll on a bench and watch the broad spectrum of clientele that this garden attracts.
3PM-5:30PM
The colorful and well-reviewed Nyhavn will then call you to the sea with bright colors, boats (how you will exclaim over the boats), and the sprawling canal-side bars. Now would be a good time to hop on a canal tour to give yourself a bit of perspective on the city. Maybe hop off at the fortress Trekroner in the middle of the harbor, if only to feel like a stalwart defender of your adopted city of the day, before retreating humbly, while the fortress stands evermore.
5:30PM-7PM
Now is the time to go back to your hostel, though not directly if some eye-catching design forces you to re-route your plans. Dress nice. You're going out in a bit. Now is also the time to reconnect with the friend you met awkwardly at 9:30AM, who is probably still in bed and might appreciate a small rousing. If threats of death are made, do not press the issue.
7PM-10PM
Go to Tivoli. Come on, you know you want to ride the world's oldest wooden rollercoaster in your nightlife clothes. While it is touristy, childish, garish, and maybe a bit kitsch, you are guaranteed to enjoy yourself. And if you don't, well I suppose you can peruse the rest of the fairground attractions. Hopefully your sullen company is not preaching the evils of consumerism and excess the whole time, but at least you two will be able to agree on beer.
For dinner, go to Tivoli's own microbrewery, for some food, the tranquil view of the lake (obviously overshadowed by screeching pre-teens in the distance), and the beer. Here is where you will finally find that perfect balance of rye bread and marinated fish—the smørresbrød.
10PM-12AM
Take your now moderately cheerful companion to the real heart of nightlife in Copenhagen—Nørrebro. For these two hours just bar hop, let the hair down, try some ridiculously neon cocktails in one place. Follow by laughing at some sports game you don't understand.
12AM-3AM
Your wildly gleeful companion has taken you to the most crowded and most expensive club in Nørrebro, just around the corner from the square. The magical Godvendt lights up the debit card machine as you take your stamp with delight and wander into madness. The light show sears the back of your eyeballs, while subwoofers work on the eardrum blazingly loud, live music. Blasting. Jumping. Sweating. Fun, but now it's time for a break. But no, bed is not yet for you. Don't stop now.
3AM-4AM
You will return to the Sankt Hans Torv to discuss the state of the world, life, the universe, and how many people will fall over on their bikes. Some substance purchased from the corner 7-11 will be passed around and finally, someone will decide that we, that is you, really need to do something about everything. Your hosteling companion might leave you at this point, claiming to be going new venue, when really returning to your cramped quarters. Another one bites the dust.
4AM-?
The one great love of tourists across Copenhagen, the one you skipped in the canal tour, the one you decided against because it was too mainstream, will now become the pinnacle of your mission. Den Lille Havfrue, the icon of Copenhagen. Blown up. Defaced. Sunk. Covered in paint. And yet still, they won't take the hint...
