I’m sitting on the express train Franz Kafka, daily departure at 9:10am from Prague Main Train Station, destination Munich. I’m moving on with my itinerary, and the six-hour ride will be a good opportunity to think about the highlights of these past five weeks. If you had only 24 hours to conquer the city, I’d first tell you to get some more time, dagnabbit. There’s nothing worse than power tourism (old joke: “Darling, where are we?” “Is it Tuesday today?” “Yes” “Then this must be Venice”). But if you insist, here’s the second best advice I can give you:
8:00am – Roll out of bed. Head down to the nearest metro station, get a 24-hour public transport pass from the old, passive-aggressive lady behind the window. Let’s pretend this takes less than 15 minutes.
8:15am – Time for breakfast. You don’t want to waste time: head down to Liberské Lahudky on Vodikova and get one or two of their beautiful bite-size sandwiches. These are both artistically arranged and dirt cheap. There’s no seating but you don’t need it: eat everything on your way out.
8:30am – One more fuel stop: coffee. Head across the street to Mamacoffee, perhaps the best coffee joint in town. They’ll grind and prepare the coffee in front of your eyes. Tastes great, plus you’re presumably helping children in Ethiopia.
8:45am – Walk from Nové Mesto (New Town) to Staré Mesto (Old Town). You’ll be walking a lot today, better get used to it early.
9:00am – Catch Prague’s best known attraction, the Astronomical Clock show on the Old Town Hall Tower. Here’s what will happen: on the hour, there will be fanfare. 12 wooden statuettes of apostles will show their faces, surrounded by the statuettes of Death, Vanity, the Jew, and the Turk (no, political correctness was never too much of a concern). When the show is over in like 30 seconds, the crowd will go bananas with applause.
9:01am - Time to explore the Old Town. Go see the beautiful St. James Church, which has the dried arm of a thief hanging from the wall. Climb up Powder Tower for one of the nicest views of the Old Town. Walk by the Estates Theater, where Mozart premiered Don Giovanni, and where Forman filmed bits of Amadeus. Stop by the Old Jewish Cemetery in Josefov, where gravestones spring out of the ground one over another, like shark teeth. Walk past Kafka’s birthplace, or take a photo with his statue nearby. Go for a second serving of the Astronomical Clock show – one can never get enough. (Alternately, buy a ticket to the Old Town Hall and watch the apostle mechanism from inside. It’s every bit as underwhelming as seeing it from the outside).
11:00am – You might need to sit down for a while. Go to Kavárna Slavia, an art deco landmark famous as a meeting place for artists and, during communism, political dissidents. Have an ice cream cup and people watch, or look out at Vltava River.
11:30am – Take on the New Town. Visit the Alfons Mucha Museum, in case you didn’t have enough of seeing his posters everywhere already (you know, women in flowing robes, surrounded by fruit and flowers and such). Perhaps pop inside the Museum of Communism, which was, ironically, founded by an American expat. Go see the St. Wenceslas Statue, where the declaration of Czechoslovak independence was read, and then stop by the Lucerna Music Bar, where you can see David Cerný’s hilarious parody of the statue. You’ll find Cerný’s subversive sculptures all over Prague, so be on the lookout: they are invariably both offensive and interesting.
12:30pm – Go to Staré Mesto’s Kolkovna for lunch – the lunch menus are surprisingly cheap in this Michelin-starred restaurant. Beer doesn’t get much better than theirs, as it comes from a tank rather than being on tap. There are scientific reasons here, but I’ll spare you.
1:30pm – Time to venture over to the other side of Vltava River. Walk down Charles Bridge, another Prague landmark. It’s always crowded, so you’ll have to elbow your way through. Snarl something about “those damned tourists”.
2:00pm – Castle time! Catch the guards ceremony on the hour. Go see the St. Vitus’ Cathedral, where under seven locks rest the Bohemian crown jewels. Notice the insurance company sponsorship messages on the cathedral’s colorful windows – now that’s some business acumen right there. Pop inside the Golden Lane, since your ticket allows you to – this tiny street used to be free, but to universal chagrin can now only be seen as part of the castle tour.
3:00pm – Strahov Monastery. The library here has the weirdest collection of 17th century curiosities. In attendance: narwhal tusk (people believed it was a unicorn horn), a dried hammerhead shark, two whale penises (the monastery is prudish about it, labeling them as “elephant trunks”) and a frikkin’ semi-preserved dodo bird.
3:30pm – Hike over to Petrin Hill. Take the elevator up to the top of Petrin Tower, the short, fat Eiffel knock-off. Don’t miss the free museum of Jára Cimrman, the greatest inventor, detective, philosopher, and playwright who never lived. To fill you in, Cimrman is the biggest inside joke of Czech culture. Close to the tower is also a 19th century mirror labyrinth, which must have been jolly good fun back then, but which may leave even preschoolers unmoved today.
4:30pm – Take the funicular down the hill to the artsy neighborhood of Malá Strana. Have a snack at Blue Light Bar, which is one of Prague’s top spots for celebrity-spotting. If Czech politicians and artists don’t do it for you, check out Daniel Craig’s signature above the bar.
5:00pm – Tiring day, isn’t it so far? Take a tram down to Nový Smíchov shopping mall, and watch a new Czech movie in a multiplex. Czech Republic has a vibrant film culture, and “Closely Watched Trains”, “Loves of a Blonde”, “Loners”, “Cozy Dens”, or “Kolya” are classics everyone should know. If you’re into modern art, skip the movie and go to DOX in Holešovice to get your dose.
7:30pm – Now you’re tired of culture, and very hungry. There’s too many options, but assuming you’re not tired of Czech food already, I’d recommend Potrefená Husa in Nové Mesto or Lokál in Staré Mesto. For authentic Mexican food venture out to Las Adelitas in Vinohrady, while cheap Indian food can be had at Beas Vegetarian Restaurant. Oh, and if you want to spend your entire dinner in absolute darkness, not knowing what you’re eating, go splurge in Pod Kridlem Noci.
8:30pm – And now for the beers. Have your first one in Letná, a park with a giant metronome that overlooks the city. Watch the sunset change the color of Prague’s red roofs.
9:30pm – Have your second one at Big Lebowski, the only bar in town where you decide your own price. The owner “likes freedom”, and he will let you pay whatever you think the drink is worth. Let’s hope the bar is still there when you are in Prague.
10:30pm – Head down to Staré Mesto and have your third beer at Chapeau Rouge, a crazy tourist trap which nevertheless has more charisma than most bars combined.
11:30pm – Have the fourth one, and all the following ones at Cross Club, one of the most insane clubs you’ll ever see. The interior is decorated with the biggest collection of colorfully lit industrial steel outside of a junk yard. Cross Club is not to be missed.
3:00am – Stumble home and sleep. I'm scheduling five hours for sleep, because that's important too.
So that’s that, my highlights. But the best advice I can give you for those 24 hours is to get lost and sidetracked, and see what comes out of it. The best adventures are the unexpected ones.