It’s Valentine’s day, and kissing is sure to be on most everyone’s minds. Actually, living in France, I’ve come to believe that the French are always thinking about kissing; mostly because they seem to always be doing it. Just walk through any French town, and you are sure to stumble upon love birds who can’t seem to keep their PDA in check. This might not seem appropriate to most, but perhaps the French really are just more romantic than the rest of us. It's also possible that all this love and open kissing stems from the tradition of “faire la bise.”
Une bise / un bisou = a kiss
Faire la bise- In franglais I use the verb “to bisou.” This is the customary form of greeting in France where you kiss someone’s cheeks. However, it is not used like a hug or handshake would be in America. You don’t just bisou a friend you haven’t seen in a while or your family. You don’t just bisou someone you are meeting for the first time. No, you essentially bisou everybody, all the time. When arriving at a party, you go around and bisou everyone whilst also introducing yourself to those you don’t know. If you’re out and run into people you know, regardless of how well, you stop and bisou them. Generally, when you arrive or depart from anywhere, you bisou whomever is there. Nevertheless, I’ll be honest and say I haven’t quite figured out bisouing etiquette in the work place, but I do see a lot of it going on. Personally, very few of my colleagues have initiated bisouing with me, aside from the ones I have seen outside of work. I’m not sure if this is because I’m not really close with anyone, or if it’s because they all know I’m American, and sterotypically we don’t like to have our personal space invaded.
Regardless of where the bisouing takes place, as an outsider, it can lead to slightly uncomfortable and confusing moments. For example, you go on a first date with a French man. You expect him to greet you with bisous, and then at the end of the night it makes sense for him to actually kiss you. However, what happens on the second date? He says hello, and then his face starts coming towards you. What do you do? Do you turn slightly like you would for bisouing? Do you go in for a real kiss? This situation wouldn’t happen elsewhere. Someone either kisses or hugs you before a date, and you can clearly tell what his intentions are. However, you’re in France and confused, so you end up just standing there like a brick wall waiting to see what happens…
Or, you could meet someone new at a bar one night, and before you leave you bisou them goodbye. You kiss both their cheeks and start to pull away, but they keep going. Four bisous! Where did that come from? It’s normally just two, but some people do three. How do you know what to expect? You don’t. That’s what I’ve learned about bisouing. You never know what to expect, because it differs by person, region, and situation; so, you just go with it. The one thing I did learn, and only after doing it incorrectly and embarrassing myself multiple times, is to offer your right cheek first. Do that, and then just see what happens.
Of course, when I first visited France, I was continually bewildered and slightly put off by all the bisouing. Yet, after being here for a few months, the practice has definitely grown on me. I've been able to embrace it despite how unnatural it is for me, and I just laugh whenever it gets a bit awkward. If nothing else, all the kissing just romanticizes the life I'm living here even more. I appreciate that it is just what makes the French—and currently me—uniquely “French.” Bisous!