You see a wide, green park. There are perfectly arranged flowers decorating the outside, a bench just begging you to sit on it right in the middle of the lawn.
You’re about to step onto that carefully trimmed grass when you see it:
Do not step on grass. No bicycles, dogs, radios, or picnics allowed. No smoking. CCTV in operation.
It might as well just say, “No fun allowed.”
Wandering around Cambridge or Oxford feels like being in an museum where you have to pay for each exhibit and still can't touch anything.
There are definitely gems in both towns, though, if you know where to look. Here are my highlights:
Cambridge.
The river Cam is lined with beautiful trees and spanned by bridge after bridge. You can rent a boat and punt down it yourself (although be warned, you may take an unexpected swim if your balance isn't good) or hire a guide to paddle you through and explain what you're seeing. My guide had a sixth sense for anticipating hail, and had us safely under a bridge each time it started up (surprisingly often). He also pointed out where parts of Shrek were filmed.
(If you didn't immediately catch that Shrek is animated and was not, in fact, filmed anywhere, don't feel bad. Neither did my friend, who excitedly replied, "Oh, cool!" to the guide.)
Most colleges make you pay to enter, but if you want to enter the iconic King's College Chapel for free and hear some beautiful music at the same time, the Choral Services are open to all.
Oxford.
For a few pounds you can get into New College. There, you have access to the gardens (with the aforementioned bench), bordered by the city walls which date back to the 13th century, a beautiful chapel, cloisters, and the dining hall.
Look familiar? Scenes from Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire were shot here. For real this time.
At the covered market, find the pink-spotted stand called Moo Moo's, ogle at the 100+ milkshake choices for about ten minutes, and pick something. I don't think you can go wrong. I got maple, and it was incredible. My friend ordered white raspberry cheesecake; we watched them make it and they actually stuck a whole piece of cheesecake in the blender. Find Moo Moo's—your tastebuds will thank you.
I’ll be honest: given the opportunity, I probably wouldn’t go back to Oxford or Cambridge. I enjoyed both cities enough, but they are swarming with tourists while desperately trying to maintain their image of prestige and academia. I do, however, think they are both worth visiting once.