Alright, I don't know about the rest of you, but castles were a big part of my childhood. As in, I was pretty in to the whole King Arthur legend and was absolutely sure that I was going to end up marrying a prince and live in a castle—hopefully without the whole "destroying a kingdom and starting a war" part, but if that was part of the package, then fine.
That part of my life has not really changed much. Okay, I realize there's a little bit more to relationships than family connections and a man in tights (classic prince garb), but that whole falling in love with a prince that lives in a castle was still pretty high on my list of things to do. Luckily, I've had a good opportunity to seriously rethink this life goal. Why you might ask? What could be wrong with castle life? Plenty, let me tell you.
1) Castles are defensive buildings. They are rarely, if ever built with comfort in mind. Every door, every room and every stair case has been designed to best keep enemies out. Apparently they are also pretty good at keeping somewhat clumsy American college girls out as well. For example, any castle worth its salt will have stumble steps. It just means that each step varies in height so that only those who walk them every day will not constantly be tripping over them. Well, guess what? I've never been to any of these castles before. So yes, I am constantly tripping up the stairs. Did I mention they were stone stairs? Not the most forgiving to my hands, knees, and almost my face once or twice.
2) Castles are cold, dark, dreary places. They are made of stone (not exactly screaming warmth.) The windows are only large enough to shoot an arrow out of, and it rains in Ireland all the time. I mean every day, on average. So, that humid cold, combined with damp stone walls, floors, and ceilings, tend to sink into the bones. Want to warm up? Sure, start a fire, I'm sure it won't be that smoky. Yeah, *cough, cough* that's better. Only six to eight hours of not being able to breath before this room turns from ice cold death trap to just cold enough to be uncomfortably numb.
3) Castles smell. The outhouse, located inside the castle, eventually fills up enough to start decomposing and releasing ammonia (with what you ask? I bet you know). If you don't know what ammonia smells like, try spending some time in a music festival outhouse. That should give you a good idea. But the smell, wafting throughout the castle, is more than just a defensive mechanism (not really, but I'm sure it worked). Hang your clothes above the ammonia and guess what? Any bugs, such as lice, can't handle it. Sure, you're clothes smell like poop wrapped in burned hair, but at least you're lice free. ...worth it right?
4) Castles are the mecca for breeding diseases, even if you might be lice free. The servants are all crammed into one room, rushes cover the floor and go unchanged for years at a time, and everything is constantly damp...sound a bit like college? Remember how sick you got freshman year? It's about ten times worse than that.