Payment: Though the seemingly high-tech ticket machines might make you think otherwise, Holland’s rail system only accepts cash if you pay for your ticket in person. If you plan in advance, though, you can buy online here.
Route: "The Netherlands NS Hispeed train" naturally sounds convenient, but don't take the name for granted. Never expect to get directly from point A to B, because the Hispeed travels to a few places in between. Note that the term “few” is extremely sarcastic here: my ticket required five switchover platforms, sometimes with only five spare minutes for the switch.
If you miss one platform or a stop, then prepare for a long way home. More than that, tell an official that you missed your stop, and prepare yourself for the consequent disapproving glance (yes, you are a tourist, and yes, the official thinks that you've proved it).
“Holland has not developed any direct routes. You have to be a pro at train hopping in order to escape this country,” says a 30-something Dutch passenger.
A wild grin stretches across his face; my helpless expression amuses him. Luckily, this fellow stays with me from Maarssen (where I was NOT supposed to be) to Utrecht, where he shows me a platform for Hengelo—where I foolishly lose the ticket.
Missing the Ticket: If you lose it, you'll pay the consequences. Sometimes even an usher can screw up. Having to pass Hengelo (where I was suppose to switch) I had no choice but to ride until the last stop in Enschede with an intimidating usher.
“Fee of a lost ticket will cost you 30 Euros,” she states while staring me down. “You’re coming with me to Enschede and getting another ticket.”
Organized and well kempt, this woman escorts me to the vacant Enschede station. No ticket booths were open, and the information centers stood closed and dark. It's 8:30pm and we stand in the middle of nowhere in Holland.
“My colleagues—such idiots!” she shakes her head, fumbling with her tracking device and beating the ticket machine.
I chuckle. “I guess this means the ticket’s free of charge?”
“Well, listen, I won’t charge you now. You’re going back to Hengelo on this train.” She points to Platform Two, completely vacant. “Then you’ll reach the border. You’re on your own. Good luck.”
Shocked, I say, “I thought you guys were on top of things!”
“Yeah, we have our issues too. I’m from the city, not from cow country like this,” she chuckles, and walks away.
Directions: A ticket bought from the machine will not state the platform switchovers OR train stops OR times to disembark. Such details only exist on the ticket machine screen, not the ticket—tough luck if you don't have a pen or a good memory for these tedious details.
Likewise, a train can have numerous destinations depending on the specific car. I approach a man waiting on the platform in Belfield, Germany.
“You going to Hamburg?” I ask.
“Hamburg? No, I am going to Moscow,” he replies. He cocks his head sideways in confusion. He grasps my ticket and squints while examining it. “Well, yes you are in the right place. But perhaps you need to be on a different car,” he says.
I stare blankly at him.
“I know it’s confusing, but I think you need to be on the car going to Copenhagen,” he says.
He points to a sign on the edge of the platform. He was right. I leave the station on the first car, which states Copenhagen as the destination with no mention of Hamburg. The usher on board, though, confirms Hamburg as a stop.
“Russia can wait,” I think, as I press my face against the cold window.
My trip from Amsterdam to Hamburg took
12 hours, though it was supposed to take six. When I arrived, I was incredibly glad to be done with the journey.