Just kidding, I'm not really becoming a local. Buuut, I'm getting there. I've had my first real bike accident (a drunk--maybe even crunk--middle-aged cyclist careening out of Leidseplein gave me some pretty impressive bruises last weekend). And four seperate times in the last week, tourists have stopped to take pictures of me and mijn fiets (that's "my bike"!) cruising by. First, of course, I checked for wardrobe malfunction, but then I realized, they must think I'm Dutch! Take that, gorgeous blonde chicks with long legs! I can play your game, too!
In the spirit of getting nice and cozy with local culture, I thought I'd dedicate this blog to some of the finer points of Dutch language. Or at least, the parts that are most fun to learn. For example, you might think that it would be funny to update your facebook status upon arrival to "in Amsterdam! lulz!" or even worse "Amerstdam: for the lulz". Too bad for you, not only is your internet-joke reference like, so last year, you also just used the Dutch slang word ("lul") for male genitalia (which I mean, maybe you did come to Amsterdam for the lulz, no judgement...). On a similar note, if some creeper in Rembrandtplein asks you if you want to "pijpen", you probably don't, and you should probably punch him in the face. Or maybe just call him an "eikel".
Perhaps the most bizzare part of Dutch cursing to the American ear is the use of serious diseases as a serious insult. It's not exactly common, but it's also not exactly unheard of to call someone a "kankerhoer" or even "tyfuslijder"--yes, those translate to "cancer whore" and "typhus sufferer". Obviously this is considered very, very rude, and you ought to never, ever, do it. Seems pretty harsh--what happened to the innocent old days of just giving somebody the finger? Maybe this is why the Netherlands also has an official society against cursing.
Don't of course think you have to learn Dutch to curse in Amsterdam. Even natives who don't regularly practice their English will recognize and frequently take advantage of the best borrowed four-letter jewels. There's something really cute about the sound of the F-word in the mouth of a Dutchman, which sounds more like "fook" and has a pleasant, charming ring to it. And since it's an imported word, a little of the baggage associated with it gets left behind in its mother countries, making it slightly less offensive. So when you're going wild in the Red Light District, use it all you want!!!
No, please, do not ever, ever do that, either. That's something only a klootzak would do.