When Yes Really Means No

Indonesians spend a lot of time trying to avoid causing malu (shame), so if you don’t want to be that embarrassed foreigner, you need to be mindful of this social norm. People here are exceptionally careful of how they communicate, which often leads to a unique (albeit very confusing) verbal dance. Indonesians will try to steer clear of causing anyone discomfort by speaking indirectly in conversation. Basically, people beat around the bush here. A lot.

Indonesians never want to give someone a negative response, so instead they phrase it in such a way where they expect you to realize what they actually want to say.  In fact, the native language Bahasa has 12 ways of saying “Yes, but I really mean no,” in order to avoid awkward exchanges. For example, belum means ‘not yet,’ but is often used to indicate a softer, less final ‘no’. If you (like most college students) are particularly fond of procrastination, you may want to say mungkin nanti, which translates as “maybe later,” in lieu of an immediate unfavorable response.  So, while you may think that you’ve become especially suave and persuasive on your travels, be warned: all those affirmative nods you’ve been getting could just be a polite way of saying, “Are you kidding me?”