I recently took the longest subway ride in the history of subway rides. Actually, it was only from Grand Central to Astor Place on the 6, but it felt ike an eternity. At the 28th street stop the doors opened and people began to funnel in and out of the train. The doors, however, did not close again after the typical 3.5 seconds. We were evidently delayed because of train traffic ahead. Gradually, a woman's voice became audible from the middle of the car. She was chastising the man accompanying her for making her feel unappreciated or something of that nature. Then she began to yell.  And she continued to yell. People in the car started to fidget visibly, as one does when one is embarrassed to be listening to something personal but has no other choice. By some cruel coincidence, the doors stayed open for around 5 minutes, which felt like around 5 years. You could read in people's body language that they were considering getting out and walking the 20 blocks to their respective destinations...it had to be better than listening to this. Then the pressure started to get to these unfortunate passengers. The woman next to me began to chant "Jerry! Jerry!" under her breath while intermittently erupting into fits of laughter. I began to visualize the entire train joining in the chant, and I have to admit it, was pretty funny. But the humor faded as I continued to listen reluctantly to the meltdown in the center of the car. Finally, just when I had decided to abandon the train and hoof it, the doors closed. The woman did not let up, but miraculously got off at 14th street. There was a collective sigh of relief. Nobody actually cheered, but the jubilation was understood.

Continued…

So I guess if you're in the market for Botox, you know where to go...

Continued…

Continued…

Summer in The City. Anyone who has been to NYC in July or August knows that means stifling heat, palpable humidity, and desperate trips to Mr. Softee (it tastes good even if it doesn't really make you feel any less like you are in a steam room).

According to The New York Times, Tuesday, July 6, 2010 (high 103) was New York's hottest day since August 9th of 2001. The last time it was almost this hot, blown feeder lines at a power utility in Long Island City left area residents pioneer-style for several days (I'm living in Long Island City, so we're crossing our fingers on that one).

Now I don't know how to prevent power outages. But I do know the best place to go to escape the infernal heat of a New York City summer. And it isn't the swimming pool. Or the library. Or an ice cream parlor. No, the answer to summer woes is right under the feet of millions of New Yorkers; that wonderful, amazing invention: the subway.

The air conditioning on subway cars is by far the most powerful I have encountered. Sometimes I leave the station feeling downright chilly. So when it gets too hot to set foot outside, why not just stay underground? Choose a line, ride to the end, and reverse. Or evem choose a new one. The options are endless.

The subway is a frosty escape conveniently located anywhere in the city you happen to be. And the best part is, it only costs $2.25. There is quite literally no faster way to beat the heat than on a train.