In Waikiki, there are more honeymooners than hotel rooms, so love is definitely in the air. And on the beach. And…behind that rustling bush? Gross. Point is, people here have romance on the mind. And assuming you don’t look like a rugged mountain troll, you’ll probably fall prey to the lame pick-up lines of some lonely dude. Here are the main ones to watch out for:
The Local – Found on the most crowded parts of the beach, or Starbucks. Is surrounded by bikini-clad options, so wastes no time with games. Accidentally bump into one and it’s a rousing, “Hey, baby. You down?” Hey, dude! Hard no.
The Homeless Local – From afar: “LESSSSSS MAKE A BABY!”
The Mysterious Traveler – Sits across from you in the hostel lounge. Doesn’t actually say anything because he only speaks German. Keeps making / holding steamy eye contact with you far too often and for far too long. A creepy half grin, and the grand finale: a sultry wink. Time to switch tables.
The Aussie – *Waves beer* “Oy! You! Come have a seat next ova here.” Never smooth, sometimes hot, always drunk. Endearing, in a slobbering-golden-retriever kind of way.
The Curve Ball – The sleaziest of them all. Lures you into a false sense of security with a “Have you seen (fake girlfriend)?” or even shows you a picture of his unborn daughter’s ultrasound (true story), then SIKE. “Well, can’t find (fake girlfriend), could you keep me company instead?” Yikes.
The Pro – Comes in several varieties. A waiter who leaves you flirty note and phone number on your receipt, or perhaps the guy next to you on the beach who says that he, too, loves (author of book you are reading who he may or may not have actually heard of). Often leaves you feeling flattered and genuinely intrigued, so if you’re looking for a summer fling, the most forgivable option.
The Heffner – Is older than your father. You wonder if he’s talking to you because his eyesight is bad and he thinks you’re his granddaughter. Oh. Nope, he just looked at your boobs.
The One – Okay. Will never actually talk to you. Will never actually look at you. Just picks up his surfboard, flexes his 18-pack abs, and glides across the beach like a really hot angel. Rides away into the sunset on his motorcycle, never to be seen again, as you watch his golden locks flutter in the wind. You suddenly feel painfully alone. You seek out another Aussie.